Chapter 1
I am writing this at the very nadir of my life, as I write I am in a mental health hospital after strong thoughts of taking my life, thoughts that I still have not. I am writing this blog as a tool to document my recovery if I can recover. I have secretly been battling depression for many years, mostly a secret to myself. Two years ago I admitted to myself, my family and a few friends that's I was struggling. But I didn't know to what extent the depression had affected my whole life. I have self destructed areas of my life for years. Without wishing to be arrogant I am very intelligent, Mensa measured my IQ at 146-149, yet academically I have achieved nothing. I am smart enough to learn but the depression made me give up on my studies, become distracted too easily and fail and drop out. I have tried to keep everything inside, not letting people know, as once someone else knows then what I am feeling is undeniably real, if I keep it inside then maybe I can fix it. Of course I c...